Breaking through to Deeper Love - Brittany Ertz, LPC
You can’t see it, but you know when it’s there.
It lingers in glances, suspended in the air.
It believes all things and bears all things,
And there are those who are its object, entertaining it unaware.
What am I?
Love is the answer, and love is what we’re talking about.
There are many definitions of love. Most commonly, it’s described as an emotion. This week, however, we talked about how love is not only an emotion but also a discipline. It’s difficult to describe love as emotion without action, just as it’s difficult to describe love as action without passion.
So how does love really work?
One of my favorite chapters in the Bible is 1 John 4, which mentions love twenty-six times. Perhaps the entire chapter could be summarized by verse 19: “We love because he first loved us.”
But what keeps us from that love—or from loving the way we want to?
Love vs. Accountability
Problem:
We often get stuck in the tension between how to love someone and how to remain true to our own understanding of what love should look like. Especially in today’s culture, we’re encouraged to accept love only for what it gives us, without challenging or asking for more. The conversation increasingly becomes, When should I cut this person off because they aren’t meeting my needs?
Reflection:
In conversations about love—and the love you need—try being curious about the other person’s actions rather than critical. When we attempt to understand why someone isn’t loving us in the way we expect, it can open the door to deeper vulnerability and more meaningful dialogue.
Shame and Inadequacy
Problem:
Fear of failure—or actually failing—can lead to deep shame. This shame often creates a kind of paralysis that keeps us from loving others or fully experiencing love ourselves.
Reflection:
To receive love, we must return to the verse mentioned earlier. We will run ourselves dry if we believe love must be earned from God. I know it sounds obvious, but it’s a foundational truth we often forget. We can receive God’s perfect love, which requires no striving or performance, by resting in His presence and allowing ourselves to be loved because of what He has already done for us.
“You Owe Me”
Problem:
When we come from a place where we haven’t received love, we may begin to believe that others owe us large amounts of it. Emotional depletion from our family of origin, wounded friendships, or betrayal by a spouse can all shape how we experience—and expect—love.
Reflection:
Consider doing deeper work to understand where this “owed” mentality comes from. Healing may require processing past experiences or having honest conversations about your needs. When possible, seek compromise and clarity rather than silent resentment.
Love is the most important thing in this world, and it’s something God deeply wants us to understand and experience. That’s why the Christmas season is so beautiful—it represents Christ, Love Himself, coming to us to love us and set us free.
Interested in going deeper? Check out this week’s podcast episode, “Learn about Love and Practice It” on The Work Within.